[Missouri-l] Fwd: [acb-chat] Church Ladies With typewriters

[From the IPHONE of Terrie L. Arnold]

skyp -k.c.kitty

Begin forwarded message:

From: "R. E. Driscoll Sr" <llocsirdsr at att.net>
Date: March 13, 2012 7:29:36 PM CDT
To: acb-chat <acb-chat at acb.org>
Subject: [acb-chat] Church Ladies With typewriters






 

 
They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins!
Thank God for church ladies with typewriters.
These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually
appeared in church bulletins or were announced 
in church services: 

The Fasting &                                                     Prayer Conference includes meals. 
-------------------------- 
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.'                                                   
The sermon tonight: 'Searching for                                                     Jesus.' 
-------------------------- 
Ladies, don't                                                     forget the rummage sale. It's a chance                                                  
to get rid of those things not worth keeping around 
the house. Bring your husbands. 
-------------------------- 
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
Smile at someone who is                                                     hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone
who doesn't care much about you. 
-------------------------- 
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. 
-------------------------- 
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,'
giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. 
-------------------------- 
For those of you who have children and don't know it, 
we have a nursery downstairs. 
-------------------------- 
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.
They need all the help they can get. 
-------------------------- 
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on
October 24 in the church. So                                                     ends a friendship
that began in their school days. 
-------------------------- 
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in
the church hall. Music will follow.. 
-------------------------- 
At the evening                                                     service tonight, the sermon topic
will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to
our choir practice. 
-------------------------- 
Eight new choir robes are currently                                                     needed due to
the addition of several new                                                     members and to the
deterioration                                                     of some older ones. 
-------------------------- 
Scouts are saving aluminum cans,                                                     bottles and other
items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to
cripple children. 
-------------------------- 
Please place your donation in the envelope along 
with the deceased person you want remembered.. 
-------------------------- 
The church will host an evening of fine dining,
super entertainment and gracious hostility. 
-------------------------- 
Potluck supper                                                     Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and
medication to follow. 
-------------------------- 
The ladies of the Church have cast off                                                     clothing
of every kind. They may be seen in the basement
on Friday afternoon. 
-------------------------- 
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing
in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket
and come prepared to sin. 
-------------------------- 
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at
10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the
Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done. 
-------------------------- 
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the
Congregation would lend him their electric girdles
for the pancake breakfast next                                                     Sunday. 
-------------------------- 
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at
7 PM . Please use the back door. 
-------------------------- 
The eighth-graders will be presenting                                                     Shakespeare's
Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The
congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. 
-------------------------- 
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First
Presbyterian Church Please use large double door
at the side entrance. 
-------------------------- 
The Associate                                                     Minister unveiled the church's new
campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge –
Up Yours.
 
In God We Trust
Ruthie
 




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